Nonnie has been cleaning out Derek’s apartment. He didn’t have much really; clothes, books, a computer. There were pots and pans, dishes, silverware, and some furniture - a couch, two chairs, a table. He didn’t have a journal or a photo album, and we can’t open his computer without his password. It was a strange experience, somehow the apartment, his things, seemed empty, cold, lifeless.
Now I am back at work at Shiprock, seeing patients, helping people. Maybe now I see their grief a little more clearly, feel their pain a little more sharply. Maybe I am a better doctor. Maybe. Last week I went to a TB-HIV meeting in Durango, and then to a meeting of the American College of Physicians in Albuquerque, where they gave me an award for community service. I was honored, but too sad to be enthused.
We took Derek’s couch and a new bunk bed to our cabin in Chama, which is now looking much better. The solar panel provides enough power to light our lamps using low wattage bulbs, so now we can read at night. The weather has been wonderful and driving from Chama to Shiprock I saw several magnificent looking male elk. The week before I saw a porcupine and a black bear. Sitting on the cabin porch in the early morning, drinking hot coffee, eating donuts - standing on the porch at night staring at the stars and the moon - these are a few of my favorite things.
Life goes on, and I must join in.
